Unveil Yourself, Mortal

Boring and Un-Fun Screening Information

(With limited opportunities for humor — challenge accepted!)

Take comfort knowing with full confidence—

After basking in my superior humor and wit,

confidentiality is my

second highest priority!

To ensure a safe and discreet experience for all sinners (especially the undead), unmasking is required—because it is. If you adult and worry, I shall permit erasure of any information not explicitly requested. Select from the exciting list of options below to prove that no villain lies before me…

Should you deem necessary, for your assurance (and lack of other ways to spend your clearly abundant time), you may thoroughly stalk me on the verified provider boards Tryst,TOB, and P411.

Method #1 (ID Verification)

  • A clear photo of your ID showing:

  • You face, captured

  • A name, given

  • The day, of life

Method #2 (Employment Verification)

  • A combination of the following:

    • A LinkedIn profile that has a photo, job listed, and 80+ connections

    • An email sent from your work email address (no reply will be sent)

    • A photo of your work ID badge

    • A professional photo of you listed on your company website

Method #3 (References / Okays)

One of the following:

  • 2 recent references/okays from Provider boards (ie. P411, Private Delights, TOB)

  • 2 references from well-established providers within the last year

Unveil Yourself, Soul

Example Conversation Between Me and Your Completely Exposed Soul

Want to play hide and seek?

Oooo, that was a rhetorical question. No doubt, you shall hide. Seek you, I shall.

Even when you think you are completely

obscured, I may already be

staring directly at you

(in an admittedly self-satisfied,

and perhaps, mildly aggressive manner).

Yes, I do see you. Mmmm, no, sorry, but, you’re not even a little bit hidden at all. Furniture is not typically human-shaped…soooooo yeah, no. Nope. I can still see you. You remain clearly legible as a human under the blanket. I understand you might feel covered, but generally blankets are usually more, you know…two dimensional.

I totally get you’re worried about being judged, but I can assure with full, 100% confidence you that you are equally as unequivocally inept as every other human that has ever walked through this door, or any other door for that matter. I promise you are not singularly terrible at life, as long as you don’t breathe for any length of time. Obviously, chest movements resembling an inhale or exhale are like…yeah, just—immediate fail.

Yes, of course—if it would make you feel better,

I am absolutely delighted to suck your thumb.

Policies

Shower + Hygiene​‍

‍If I remember, I shall provide you with water and the opportunity to utilize the wash room for freshening up and/or showering.

Should you wish to shower, please notify me in advance.

Should you wish to water, please remind me every five minutes.

Complimentary hygiene products will be available. Please try to arrive reasonably clean. I shall attempt to do the same (for an extra but quite nominal donation, of course).

I prefer sensitive areas to be shaved or trimmed. No stress if not—

I simply enjoy demonstrating the full range of my deep adoration.

Overachievers

I request nothing more than your full presence and tokens of devotions, but for those who delight in showering their muse in adoration, I am happy to accept your tribute.

I would be most pleased with a medium mocha frappucino

with almond milk and no whip cream from Starbucks (no coffee base if after 5pm please—my mind rarely shuts off as it is since the womb).

My fragile mortal coil is allergic to beverages of the intoxicating sort, but I have a weakness for flowers, chocolate, and handwritten notes.

If you bring a blank card, please do tell me — otherwise I may spend the entire time

eagerly anticipating words that were never written.

Boundaries

I shall inquire about your boundaries, any goals, requests, and preferences you wish to share. During our session, I will confirm my boundaries concretely, and accommodate your wishes to the best of my ability and comfort.

You need not worry about my state or enjoyment—that is not yyour responsibility.

I’m not psychic, and I presume, neither are you. If there is anything I need, want, or am uncomfortable with, I will communicate that clearly. I invite you to do the same.

No-Shows Cancellations

Things come up! I am relaxed and understanding for respectful or returning clients, and cancellations due to illness, injury, or otherwise reasonable unforeseen issues. With proper notice (ideally several hours but not a hard stop), I can be flexible. Preventable behavior resulting in a last minute cancellation or no show—I ask to be compensated for the time and effort already completed prior to our date. I try really hard and put in a lot of effort! Please be considerate.

  • $150 Cancellation Fee: Late or last minute notice of cancellation on the same day

  • $200 No Show Fee: No-show or no cancellation OR messaging me after our scheduled time to let me know you are not going to materialize, with no other prior notice.

Disclosure #247:

Chronological Dissonance 

If early you come, then long you will wait

You know where I am—perpetually, late!

I welcome late arrivals!

Please expect I shall be running 15ish minutes behind (best case scenario).

If you are on a tight time crush,

please let me know in advance!

Be prepared for some delays, detours, and distractions, due to the following:

(Waaaait … before I go over that, please hold entirely unnecessarily and for no purpose whatsoever except for me to demonstrate a heavy dramatic sigh sequence first)

*** Deep inhale ***

*** Nope, I can inhale better ***

*** Breathing really is so nice, it’s too bad you’re not allowed to do it ***

*** I forgot to sigh instead of brag ***

*** You know what, I’m over sighing. I’m feeling so burdened, I don’t even want to at this point. Now go away. I’m busy geniusing ***

Expected Distractions

(Which you will find endearing and charming)

Extended distraction time will be added back to your session (due to any and very likely all of the below) :

  • Object misplacement

  • Locating objects I just found and misplaced again

  • Mirror gazing

  • Accessory crisis

  • Sudden strokes of creative genius (except at least once per session)

  • Existential musings

  • Inner turmoil

  • Changing my mind on how to do your dramatic entrance 15 times

  • Chaos—lots and lots of chaos. Included free of charge!

Additional Nonsense

Also Always Free of Charge!

More shall be revealed on presence… If I am not ready on arrival (likely), don’t stress! I shall find a way to distract you, while I

(as literal as literature literates)

quite literally run in actual circles

for some or all of our time together.

Entropy and darkness shall be sprinkled in at frequent yet random intervals. Fun! Expect detours, eerily long eye gazing, what appears to be just the faintest hint of an eyebrow desperately trying not to rise as you try to backtrack what you just said when you contradicted yourself. But don’t you worry!

Take comfort knowing I can

sometimes destabilize even the most

strong willed and

self-assured of men!

You have absolutely no chance! None! It’s so great.

We have so many fun activities on the agenda.

My absolute favorite game ever is defining vocabulary!

You’ll explain something at varying degrees of length, and then I shall propose a word or two to capture the general essence of what you just said. Then I shall relax while listening to you explain how I’m wrong,

while simultaneously giving me the definition

of the word I just said. We don’t even need a dictionary.

It’s so fun—you’re going to hate it!

Don’t Fear, Mortal!

It Shall All be Over Soon