I struggle with a very serious chronic malady. You see, each and every time I sit down to write to my wicked suitors via email or text, I’m immediately struck with a devastating ailment called “Message-Induced Sheer and Utter Complete PANIC,” which triggers a secondary condition termed “Response Times Vary Between 5 Seconds and Never.”

Eureka!

I have devised a new evil plan to ameliorate my messaging affliction. Communication for booking a session can be scheduled video or phone calls rather than text or email exchanges. Soon, I will also be adding an online booking system to schedule sessions for returning or pre-screened clients!

New and returning clients will use this same system to schedule a new session. New clients will be assessed a nominal $25 fee for the video call consultation and time to complete the screening process. Returning victims will be able to schedule one check-in for an upcoming session or planning a session, complimentary.

During the call, we will briefly discuss questions, requests, ideas, boundaries preferences, logistics, or anything else relevant to planning our time together. This is intended as a rough guide—we will go into more detail as needed during our session. For new clients, this also provides a brief opportunity to meet before scheduling and to get a sense of whether your goals, intentions, and values align with the kind of experience my services are best suited to provide.

Brief logistical questions may still be handled by text or email (slower response times).

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Prior to our call, I’ll send a few questions for you to consider your responses in advance. The questions will be a variety of topics and depth, such as music, atmosphere, curiosities, aversions, etc.

You need not have all the answers, or even know what you want.

Do keep in mind—self-monitoring is unnecessary and completely useless. If I ask a question, I truly do seek the answer. “Whatever you want” may sound accommodating, but in practice, that phrase is absolutely my worst nightmare. My cognition is organized linearly. Math. Science. Please. I really do need data. This process is inherently collaborative. There are no “wrong” answers. The “right” answers are very simple—simply, the truth.

What’s yours?

Do not fear mortal! I shall handle the rest.